gaysettledown

I have found facebook to be one of the most interesting things online is a long time. People from all walks of life find you on there. I have been chatting more with cousins that I don’t get to see very much, touched base with old co-workers and now a few love interest from the past have found their way to my friends list.

One in particular has his way back into my life, in a manner of speaking. His name is Ryan, he and I met about 14 years ago. We both worked in the same mall, he came into my store and bought something in order to meet me. I want to say we were helped along by some of our co-workers. To be honest, the details escape me. We ended up dating for a bit and I fell for him. I fell for him hard. First love I guess you could say. I think on his part he either lost interest, or was too young to handle everything, but he broke it off and moved to Florida shortly after that. Not someone I would ever forget, but you move forward and put it in it’s proper place. I guess you could say my heart was broken at the time, but this was also over a decade ago, and well, lets just say there have been a few men in my life since then.

So he finds me on facebook, we friend each other and for some time, that’s about it. Then he commented on my status, which lead to him writing on my wall, which lead to emails and text messages. Current photos have been shared and he has made his interest known.

This is where it gets tricky. I get the feeling that he has been all work and no play this last decade. He says he has trouble meeting men, and is lonely. I find this odd, because he was insanely good looking back in the day and time has only made him that much better looking. He raves about how I look, which is nice, but I can’t help but feel he is trying to recapture something from the past.

I’m saying this all wrong. It sort of feels like instead of putting effort into finding someone new, dating, etc, I get the feeling he is falling back on something that was a sure thing back in the day. He has suggested trips together, coming to visit, etc. While all of that sounds like fun and interesting, his messages have taken a turn towards the future. Suggestive about being together in old age, plans for the future, etc. Just because I was really into you all those years ago, I have no idea if I could or would feel the same way again. Not to mention the way it ended, that sucked. Not to mention more than a decade has passed, I know how much I have changed and grown, no doubt he has as well.

Or, does he realize he missed out on a good thing? He did after all, look me up after all these years. I have to admit, I was happy that he remembered who I was.

Luckily I am off the hook until February when his job settles down and he has time for trips and such. So I have plenty of time to figure this out. He made some odd comments last night about not seeing anyone else until he see’s me again, and lets face it, that’s just not realistic.

On another note, I’ve made up my mind that I can only be friends with the guy I was most recently seeing. I have been avoiding him like the plague, but he has one of my books that I have to get back from him. Not looking forward to that. I hate being the bad guy, but would much rather be the bad guy than the guy who get’s walked all over..

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