gaysettledown

I will give it to you straight today, no pun intended, I have the blues. The entire weekend ended up being an odd serious of events that just kind of left me wondering. One of those weekends that leaves you thinking why bother? I don’t mean that in a real general sense, more related to socializing and meeting people.

Crazy book boy continued to bug me all weekend. The new love of his life is a flight attendant, thus out of town all weekend. Emails and text galore. Let’s got to breakfast, let’s go to the movies, let’s hang out. How about let’s just leave Joseph alone? How does that grab you? What hint do you need? Not to mention I found out this guy is a pretty big whore. Turns out I am among many on his list of local conquest. Let me tell ya, it makes a man feel real good knowing half the people you see on a semi regular basis have all hit it, so to speak.

Friday night I spent some time at my bar and then I thought I would mix it up a little and go to a different bar. I get there, not a good crowd at all. Very few people and I was the only guy under 50. So I order a drink and have a seat, after an hour of complete boredom and being starred at instead of talked to I left. I just went home. I have this theory, when you are looking it hides from you, when you are not expecting it, it jumps out and gets you. I guess that’s how I was feeling Friday. Just wanted something new and different, but it escaped me completely.

Saturday turned out to be no better. The day went well enough, and per usual I headed over to the bar in the evening. Saturday usually has a great crowd, plenty of people and friends to talk with. A couple of the juvenile regulars showed up on their way to a more fashionable (young) bar. You could tell they were just killing time until it would be cool to show up at this other place.  I was standing near the bar, talking to some friends when one of them walked past me and smacked my ass.  Hard. I spun around and swore. He said something about his hand just slipping, that he could not help it. I think between the curse words and the look on my face he knew it was best to just keep walking.  I turned around and walked out of the bar. I did not say goodbye, look at anyone, nothing. I just walked.

Here’s the thing. Gay men are a very touchy feely group to begin with.  I am not, by nature, like that with strangers. There are a few older, kind men who are always at the bar, and when they hug you it lingers,  or the guy who has to put his hand on your chest when he says hello to you, etc. To a degree, I have gotten used to it.  With the old men, you can tell they are lonely, and does it hurt me to let them hold onto me for a minute? Of course not. Not to mention I could very well be that old man some day in need of an embrace. But don’t tolerate it when people I don’t know at all, or make a point of not talking to do things like this. The ass slapping? Unacceptable. It was not playful, or fun, and I would not have been alright with it from anyone.

So I left. I rarely get mad like that, or upset like that. I next to never feel the urge to hit someone or something, but that struck something in me, and I knew I had to walk away. I walked for an hour. Walking always calms me, kind of like cleaning. When I worry or am upset, I clean. I know, sounds crazy, but that’s what I do.

I went back to the bar, ass still stinging,  knowing this fool would be gone, and was greeted by concerned friends. Not only had they never heard me swear like that, they had never seen me just walk out. I felt bad, at the time I was not really thinking about the people around me, but I still know walking away was the right thing to do. I have to say that was one good thing about the weekend, that reminder that there are normal people around me, and people that care.

Of course word spreads fast and I am getting emails and phone calls from people wanting the scoop. There is no scoop. It’s over and done. But it did nothing to improve my mood.

So I may not have any stories for a few days, and anything to share. I’m going to stay home this week, staying off the Internet as far as the dating sites go, not that those have proven anything but what sluts there are out there.

I know this one is kind of a ramble, sorry about that. Just kind of poured out of me today.

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